Younger readers, those of you who are say, under 35, will want to close your browser now.

No, really. I mean it.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

What is the deal with aging ears? No, not the alien sounds that come out of nowhere from inside your head. No, not that conversations and music don’t sound as clear as they used to.

Instead, I am here to raise an issue that is far more insidious and disturbing: ear hair.

Where does it come from? Why is it there? More importantly, how does it grow so fast? Snipping, plucking, mowing, none of these are able to adequately control the growth. And near as I can tell, the older you get, the bigger the daily crop.

Maybe this is way too much information, but I swear it has to be the fastest growing type of hair on the male human body.

Except, perhaps, nose hair.